Cooler Talk #2

A Poem for Billy Corgan

Oh Billy Corgan, why dost thou hair not grow?
Is it because you're sad?
The world doesn't understand the cries of a tortured artist.
Is it androgenetic alopecia?
Curse you wretched genes of our forefathers!
Perhaps you saw Powder and were inspired,
The world is undeserving of thee.
Smash thou gourds in spite!
Raise them overhead for their mockery of smoothness.
The clock strikes midnight.

Trippin' Balls

This past New Years Eve my plans fell through, rendering me a gigantic loser who stayed in as opposed to carousing the night away. But to say that I did nothing of epic proportions would be a complete and utter lie.

Now you may be familiar with the website Something Awful and you may be familiar with their forums, or you might not be. Anyways, on this messageboard of sorts, there was a thread that had caught my attention. The topic was the 'Coast to Coast AM with Art Bell Annual New Year's Eve Prediction Show'.

In middle school I was an avid listener of Coast to Coast AM. If you're not familiar with the program, it's a nationwide (on your local clear channel station) AM talk-show where they usually discuss things of the paranormal or conspiracy varieties. It's special in the fact that it normally airs from 11:00PM-6:00AM and anyone can call in. It's most renkowned host is the radio broadcasting hall of famer Art Bell, however these days it's usually someone else filling in for him.

This particular show, the one the message board was discussing, is held every New Years Eve. Anyone who's listening can fight through the phonelines for a spot on the air to tell the nation their "psychic" prediction for the upcomming year, and throughout the show they'll go through all the predicitions of the year past and either shoot them down or if Art thinks it was close enough, he'll give it a 'ding'. These predictions are usually the most off-the-wall, batshit-insane things you will ever hear. It also seems as if every other caller is dead serious and either has some pseudo-religious/spiritual agenda or believes that the government is out to get them.

Now, this thread is rolling along, people are discussing the wild various claims of the year before, and people keep mentioning how awesome it would be if one of us was able to get through and make our own ridiculous claim. This is when I said to myself, "I'm going to do it."

And do it I did. After three and half hours of pounding the re-dial button, I made it through at approximately 4:00 AM. I don't think I've ever been that nervous in my life once I got through the screener and she told me I'd be put on hold. Not only would I be talking to a world reknowned radio host, spouting some ridiculous prediction that came to me in a "dream", it was being broadcasted live across the entire country. So needless to say, once I got on the air I sounded a little dorky and I wasn't as smooth as I would have liked, but I pulled it off. I was a hero to everyone reading the thread.

So what was my prediction you ask? Verbatim: "The Sun is actually a sentinent entity and will reveal itself to Russia sometime within the next year." I actually stunned Art Bell. He replied rather simply with a pensive and thoughtful, "Huh..". I was just about to explain it when he started up again and totally ran with the idea. He explained to the listeners what an intriguing idea this is and how some Native American tribes believe that the Earth is actually a living thing and that we can't really dismiss such ideas. I actually have an mp3 of the call in its entirety so if you want it, I'll probably post some sort of link at the end of this article or you can send me an IM for it.

But back to the point at hand, lately I've been thinking alot about what it is to be a living thing, what makes us who we are, and consciousness. Not just in a theoretical sense, but biologically. Let's assume for moment that we're not in any way special, that we don't have anything resembling some metaphysical "soul", that we're simply machines that rose through the confines of nature. Our highly developed brains are the things that make us who we are, allow us to interact with our environment and process information much like the CPUs in our computers. Input goes in, output goes out. Our brains our quite possibly the most highly organized chunks of matter within the universe.

Or are they? How is it that one arrangement of matter can spawn something as conciousness and self-awareness? Is it possible that there are other arrangements which can do the same? We're moving forward in the field of nanotechnology every year. How long is it before we find another arrangement of matter which spawns conciousness and becomes self replicating? How long before we become 'Gods' ourselves? Who's to say that there isn't already other arrangements that we aren't aware of?

This leads back to the example of the Earth being a living entity. What qualifies something as living, something that reacts to the environment around it? Something that maintains a delicate state of equilibrium? Does the earth not do this? If something catalclysmic happens, does the earth not shift to adjust to these effects? Are the white blood cells which act independently within our own bodies aware on any level of the conciousness which controls their universe, constantly making decisions that they have no control over? Of course, I'm grossly oversimplifying the questions at hand. I'm not trying to create a new religion or win any converts, however I find the idea a fascinating one. Conciousness on levels that we might not be aware of or able to comprehend. Think about it and if you have ideas on the subject, please, send them my way.


Link to mp3 of the phonecall

Reasons I Probably Shouldn't Have Professor X's Super Powers

1. Every Thursday at 6PM, every person in America would have the theme song to "The Price is Right" beamed into their heads.

2. Bill O'Reily would be convinced that he is a box of envelopes.

3. Casualties would be in the thousands every time I sneezed.

4. California would actually break off if I ever had a migraine.

5. Any person who secretly likes Nickelback would be exposed. Seriously, who keeps buying their records?

6. The lead singer of Nickleback would change his singing style to match that of Andy Gibb.

7. Hot pink would be replaced in everyone's minds with baby-poop yellow.

Art Is Resistance

Nine Inch Nails: Year Zero
Seriously. Go buy. I'll write a review this weekend, but it's amazing.

Cooler Talk # 1 (I hate my scanner)

Reasons I love Pistachio Pudding

1. Green is the tastiest color
2. Bill Cosby tells me it's great
3. Bill Cosby doesn't lie

Band To Check Out

From time to time I'll write up a band or artist you should really conisder checking out.

Band to check out: Love Arcade


A rock group which I think would be described as power-pop; they're the musical equivalent of cotton candy. Too much and you'll spoil your dinner, but it's ok to indulge every now and then.

Album: Love Arcade (self-titled)

Keynote tracks to check out first:

1. Party - a feel good anthem with plenty of mainstream potential
2. Keep it Comin'- Upbeat love song that can't help but crack a smile
3. Sara - Obligatory slow sappy song, but they really pull it off
4. Candy - Inuendo that'll get you moving in spite of it's juvenile undertones

Check this band out now and be able to brag to your friends that you heard them first (I'm not assuming that you're some scenester who actually cares about those sort of things, but a victory's a victory! TAKE THEM WHERE YOU CAN GET EM'!)

Walking in a Springtime Wonderland

Today was supposed to mark my return to school after a week of "spring vacation". If the irony in that statement were any sweeter I might have choked as I fell into a diabetic shock. So instead of spending the day basking in whatever knowledge my professors had prepared on expounding upon me, I worked harder than a soviet on a commune removing the snow which had accumulated from my driveway. And unlike our Russian friends, I did not have my commrades to lean upon.



Now correct me if I'm wrong, but when one thinks of the word "snow", it usually conjures up images of lite, fluffy, and even powdery substances. This was not what I shoveled. Whatever I was shoveling weighed roughly 200 lbs./sq. inch. It was utterly ridiculous. Not to mention, the entire time I was shoveling a mixture of snow and branches kept finding their way to the top of my head. They were like laser guided missles in their uncanny precision.



However my worries and problems hardly seem comprabale to the tragedy that took place at Virginia Tech earlier today. It's just difficult to comprehend. My first reaction is to feel for the families and friends of all those who were effected. I can't imagine what they're going through right now. My second is to wonder what sort of effect this is going to have on our schools/gun control. It wont be long before every prospective presendential canidate is spinning this to their benefit. The pundits on the news stations are allready scrambling to fill air time with whomever's willing to talk about it. It's sickening.

This isn't to say that we shouldn't discuss why or how such things happen, or perhaps even how we might prevent things like this from happening in the future. I'm not calling for the abolition of critical discussion, not at all. It just sickens me that moments after such a tragedy has happened that there are allready people trying to figure out how they can capitalize on it or what stance they might take on it will benefit them the most. Partisan politics disgust me as it is and dragging things such as this into the middle of them make it even worse.



I think right now the only thing I can do in response to the tragedy is to be thankful. Thankful for everything I have, thankful for life, and yes, thankful for the snow. With everything in perspective, the rare April snowfall can be a pretty damn beautiful thing.